Day 7- 09-09-09

It was a very sad day. It started early this morning around 2:00 am when Bridger was crying because his hair had fallen out all over his pillow and had gotten all over face. His nose was so itchy he was miserable of and on all night. So around 9:00 am I got the volunteer that cuts hair to come to our room to give Bridger a buzz cut. We have been talking about it and preparing for it but I did not expect such a reaction. When he was done he touched his head and said I want to see it. I gave him a hand held mirror to look in. He said quietly “I didn’t want my hair cut” then he threw the mirror. At this point I was thinking not seven more years of bad luck!!!!! I used my Jedi reflexes and grabbed the mirror. Then I grabbed my boy and hugged. Huge alligator tears ran down his face and he said loudly “I don’t want any one to ever see me again not even Dad”. I took all I had to not let my self break down and cry with him. I rocked him hugged him talked to him and prayed with him. He hung on to me tight like I could make it better. He fell asleep during our prayer and then I couldn’t keep the tears back any longer. I felt so bad; I thought maybe I should have waited, or .. or …or... A ton of maybes ran threw my mind. But then I got a hold of myself and realized this was inevitable and it doesn’t mater when it happened it already has and now we have to adjust and move on. After crying to Blake (who also felt terrible after hearing the reaction) and making one of my sisters listen to me blubber about it, I felt a little better. The best way to describe how his hair looks is comparing it to some ones skin that has lost its pigmentation, except its hair vs. no hair splotches, and one front side is almost completely bald. After his nap he was in much better spirits about it and we played the wii. He got sad one more time over it but when my mom called he said “hello Grandma Dar, I got a blond cut today. I mean a buzz cut”. So by the end of the day he was accepting it. He is still pulling out the little hairs and if he scratches his head it leaves a baled line. I forgot to mention how sweet this little boy of mine is, yesterday he called to ask the nurse for a Popsicle and said “two Popsicles please I want to share one with my mom”. He is so thought full, and after thinking about his reaction to his hair I remembered two things:

1.When we told him he was going to go bald he said in an upset tone “well then I’m not going to go to church”.

2.When he was 3 I herd him hollering from the bathroom “Mom, Mom!” when I found him on his steep stool looking in the mirror I said what? He said “I can’t find my eyebrows” his hair was lighter then but I guess he as always been worried about his appearance.

Today did end on a good note. Bridger picked up one of his toys for the first time today and played. Then before bed I was holding him and singing Called to Serve while dancing my fingers around. This made Bridger Belly laugh. He tried to hold down my fingers but one would always escape. It was fun we both laughed. It is those small moments that warm my hart and I cherish most deeply.

The Dr’s cancelled his last two doses of MTX which is a chemo that suppresses the immune system. It caused his liver enzymes to go to high, and they don’t want to give it any more for fear it might damage the liver permanently. So he will be going on steroids for 8 days. They will have the same affect and with the bonus of not causing Mucositis, which hasn’t really bothered him today, he ate great! They also say the earliest he could be engrafted and ready to move out of the hospital would be the 26th, which is sooner than I originally thought. This is all good new.

I also just thought it would be fun to list some things that happened on this day of 09-09-09

1.Bridger got his first Buzz cut
2.It rained all day in Houston
3.We paid off our 2nd car!
4.It’s day 7 after Bridger’s BMT
5.I was contacted by a dear friend from almost 7 years a go.
6.We ate Ham sandwiches for the fourth day in a row.
7.Bridger and I cried a lot and laughed a lot all in one day.